Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
