I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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