i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize