Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
