That's intense
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize