Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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