i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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