moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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