a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize