you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
