i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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