my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
