So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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