I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize