The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
