i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
