I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
