I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize