My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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