Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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