when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
