You're my little dorito
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
