You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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