Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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