Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
