i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
