I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
