You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
