dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
