A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
