just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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