just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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