all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
