Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he fucked my hip out of place.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
