I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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