Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You need a sexual gate keeper
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
