I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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