Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
