my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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