I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
