God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
