yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So vagazzling was a success
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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