2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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