Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
