I feel great
I just peed on a car
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
