Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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