they need to just BURY HIM!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
