I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
