I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
