he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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