When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
