I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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