got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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