marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
