1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
