i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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