I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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