y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
