You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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