I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just high enough for therapy.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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