He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
