im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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