All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize