It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
