i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
