Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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