I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
