He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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