I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize