Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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