Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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