I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I need to wash the frat house off of me
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
