my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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