He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
In other news, I just burned my penis
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
