Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He passed out mid-signature
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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