Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
