i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
