We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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