Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
