I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
