I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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