i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize