Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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