I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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