i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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