well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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