"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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