if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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