So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude i'm inner monologue high
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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