Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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