Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
