I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
