it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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