then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My vagina is officially offended.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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