You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
