i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
