Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
