If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
