did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
