after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
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