In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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