Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize