good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
