I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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