Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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