Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
