My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
