So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize