I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
