Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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