I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
