Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
