community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Randomize
