dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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