is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
