you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize