Where did you get a picture of my penis
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
