You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
cat food counts as protein by the way
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
