he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
