i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I wish you could order shots online.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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